3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
