R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
