I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
