i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
