End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
