Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
