there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
