this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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