please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
