he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
