I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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