I love black thongs
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
