And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
