Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
