What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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