Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
