You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In other news, I just burned my penis
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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