i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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