its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
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