And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
