You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
