i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
