Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
