It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
