I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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