my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
