I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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