Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
