Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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