Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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