I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
