the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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