I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
