I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
