After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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