I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
