I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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