If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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