I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
