I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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