so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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