note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
