If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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