I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
