The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
