He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
