Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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