I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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