I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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