Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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