Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I didn't shave. On purpose
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
