Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
