She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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